Okay, so I’m late. That’s normal in my world. If you don’t like it, tough; get on Brian time. Anyway, here we are, almost four months, lots of stress, another state’s bar exam, another election (I work in elections) and a minor surgery later.

That’s right, I took the NY Bar Exam recently so that we (wife (Julie), kid (Evan) and I) can move back to NY from OH. Can’t wait. And I’ve got bad news for you, Ohio: we won’t miss you much. Even if your unpredictable, really not-so-nice weather is much better than Rochester’s (I will admit we’ll miss having more sun than clouds, even if Rochester’s not hard to beat).

But we certainly won’t miss the Buckeyes. The Buckeye fandom is not simply fanatical. It far exceeds that. And it exceeds any other college sport fanaticism I’ve ever seen or heard of. It exceeds religious reverence. It even exceeds “cultish.” Ohioans think the Buckeyes are the “good” in good versus evil and they base their lives on it only there are no commandments or Sharia to keep everyone in check. I just can’t take it for even another season.

And we won’t miss the fact that so many people don’t know the difference between the words “than” and “then.” Or even that both words exist.

And we won’t miss the inability of Ohioans to respect the origin of certain well known place names and to properly pronounce them when used to identify places in Ohio (e.g., Versailles (pronounced Versales in Ohio)), or place names with common spellings and pronunciations (e.g., Bellfontaine (pronounced Bellfountain, in Ohio)). Seriously, I know we, as Americans, have generally bastardized the English language, but Ohio should have a special place in John Cleese’s heart for its ability to ruin proper pronunciations. I mean, it’s not even like people in Versailles or Bellfontaine say the names right; the problem is a fundamental, institutionalized failure to care. I’m afraid that even after I leave Ohio I’ll face an utterly inexplicable inability to say those names properly. Sorry, honey, we probably shouldn’t go to France on vacation.

Okay, so I don’t really hate Ohio, but after nearly five years here, I’ve had enough.